Too Selfish to Stay Away
by SeeLJRead
Summary: A What If. What I imagine would happen if Edward came back to Bella before Bella had a chance to go cliff diving hence starting the whole mess in New Moon. *May bespoilers*
1. Edward's Decision

**AN: I hope I do the characters (All of who are owned by Stephanie Meyer) Justice **

**Please let me know what you think, good or bad. I should have the whole story up soon.**

**This is set during New Moon when Jacob isn't talking to Bella before she goes cliff diving, but after the motorbikes (time line may be outta whack sorry.)**

A Very Selfish Vampire

Edwards Decision

EPOV

I tried to stay away from Bella. I knew it was best for her, but the minutes away from her had become centuries. I couldn't stay away, so I convinced myself that one glimpse would sustain me, and I promised myself I would stay away forever after that, that I would let my Bella have the normal human life I had promised her when I left. I decided I would let myself see her one last time.

I had forgotten to account for Alice seeing my decision and the effects of it. _Buzz buzz buzz_, the little phone in my pocket vibrated. Alice had seen as soon as I had made the decision. I wasn't going to answer I knew what she would say without reading her mind though I could have if I really wanted to. She would dissuade me from going back to Forks, as if I hadn't tried enough times. However essentially I was a selfish creature. Besides I wouldn't let her see me, wouldn't grovel and beg for her forgiveness as I would like to do, even if it meant filling the hole that Bella's absence had formed in my chest when she kept my heart with her. No I would keep my promise to her, a normal happy human life with no reminders even if I my self needed a reminder.

BPOV

Jake still refused to return my calls and now I had no relief from the hole in my center. I had thought my heart was gone and my chest was left hollow. That _he_ and the rest of them had taken my heart to wherever they had gone, probably Alaska. But perhaps there was a small piece left, that was the only way to explain the broken hearted feeling where my hole undisturbed heart had been before Jacob and … Edward had interfered. If not for Charlie I would have abandoned my monotonous routine long ago.

EPOV

I had a long way to go from the crawl space where I had been hiding out in Brazil after following a false trail for Victoria to reach Forks. Plus it would be wise of me to feed before I reached the town as well as the fact I would probably pass through several densely populated cities. It would take several days, but it would be worth it, and perhaps after seeing her I could manage a visit to my family.


	2. Seen

A Very Selfish Vampire

Eight days later

I finally reached Forks it was 4:00 Tuesday afternoon unless her schedule had changed Bella would be working, with Mike. The thought of Bella and Mike caused the bitter feeling only Bella could manage. Though I had no right to be jealous the feeling still overwhelmed me. I had wanted to wait until the evening to see Bella once she had fallen asleep in the vain hope that I would once again gain small insight into the workings of her mind I couldn't gain my…usual way. But now I had to see, to see whether or not my suspicions were true. I was nearly to the Newton's store when Alice called me again, she would see what I was now going to do. For a split second I worried Alice had predicted Bella would notice me, but I immediately pushed the thought from my mind.

I scaled the side of the building and crouched low behind an old tan Honda. I looked around the parking lot and Bella's old rusty truck caught my eye and the first smile in months graced my lips at the sight of Bella's car, but it didn't hold my attention for long. How could it when just a few feet from me the love of my life, or I suppose more appropriately the love of my existence, was only a few feet from me, when I could almost smell the floral sent of her blood.

She was sitting at the counter looking bored and distant while mike chattered on in her ear. I stared memorizing again each aspect of her body and face. I was pleased to see after receiving no reaction from Bella; Mike dejectedly slumped off to re-stock some shelves. Even more pleased that Bella didn't seem to notice or care, still looking spaced out and, it pained me to observe, sad as she rung up the only customer in the shop. Then she looked up and, I noticed a moment too late, in my direction.

BPOV

I finished ringing up a tent and a pair of brown hiking boots for the tall man that stood before me chattering on about the trip he was planning to go on with a 'pal' of his. I looked over at mike as the man walked out to his car, and I felt bad for tuning him out as he described some sport or another where he had been on the winning team, but I just didn't have the focus to pay attention to his story today.

I looked out to the parking lot and my breath caught. Previously I had only heard his voice and only when I was being reckless. But now it was obvious. I had gone over the edge and I knew this as I caught sight of the penny colored hair in beautiful disarray I had seen so many times before but only ever on one person and not in so long.

My face must have shown my feelings more than I knew. Mike called over, "Bella? Hey Bells, you okay?" I nodded my head and then shook from side to side. It was probably just a trick of the light, shining off a car or something. I looked up at the clock; I was off in about thirty seconds. So I stepped from behind the counter and waved goodbye to mike, walking out the door at precisely 4:30p.m.

I walked out to the truck scanning the lot as I walked. No, I told myself, he was not here. He didn't want me anymore. I clutched my stomach at this last thought, hard. Thoughts like this I usually banished because they tugged at the hole left by the Cullens, even the thought of their name cased a pang.

I drove home in a daze refusing to let myself think about anything beyond the road ahead of me. When 'I got home I did some laundry and made dinner, I lucked out because Charlie had and early game to watch he was eating in front of the television tonight. He said hello, thank you and walked into the living room and switched on the baseball game leaving me free to go upstairs finish my math and English homework, then crawl into bed.

I had been asleep for about an hour but it was still only around nine. My room was sweltering hot so I opened my window and got back into bed. Falling asleep to Charlie's snores from down the hall.


	3. Only Two Options

A Very Selfish Vampire

EPOV

I had told myself that one look would be enough, and I had spent twenty-five minutes watching her, I didn't deserve to see her again, I should make my way to Alaska now, but I couldn't do it. So that night I went to her house, I was below her window, and I could already hear her heart beating faintly, it was something I never forgot, much as I had tried to.

I was having a silent argument with myself, whether or not I would climb though her window as I had so many times before. Just when I had decided I couldn't stop myself a hand grabbed at my shoulder. If my heart were still beating it would have stopped in fear at that moment.

I slowly turned around and let out the breath I hadn't realized I was holding in. It was just Alice!

"Edward you can't do this to her it isn't fair! She saw you earlier, just like I knew she would and if you go in there now she is going to see you again, this time she wont be able to convince herself you weren't really hear." Alice yelled at me in a whisper and the relief I had felt at seeing her was gone.

"She's asleep can't you hear that, and it is in my…programming to be quite, Alice I can't stay away but I wont let her life be ruined by what we are! Damn it! I am a selfish creature but I am not cruel. I am going to give myself one last look at my love, if I am lucky one last chance to hear her voice. And then I'll be gone."

"Edward, this isn't going to turn out like you think it will. You know it is foolish to bet against me. So please, I care about Bella as much as you do." I scoffed at this comment and Alice glared at me. "I do! And if you recall I was against this all along, leaving Bella. But we did, because you insisted! So you don't get to come back when you're just going to leave again."

"What if I don't leave? What if I stay if she'll have me, beg her forgiveness? And then what Alice? Damn it to hell I wont let her throw away her human existence for nothing."

"Really Edward, is that what you think that she would be throwing it away for nothing? Because the rest of us see it rather differently, Bella loves you so very much Edward. So we see if she chooses you it would be what she really wants and she would trade her normal existence for you, for something much more important than human experiences Bella never really seemed to care about anyway."

"But Alice she deserves those experiences!"

"Who are you Edward Cullen to make the choice for her? Besides if Bella is anything like you she NEEDS you. You haven't really lived since you left. And no, after this stunt you pulled I don't think you really deserve Bella, but after Bella's bravery and kindness if she wants you still, she more than deserves you. So Edward you know what I think you should do. But what are you going to do? Go in there and beg for her forgiveness and leave if she rejects you or will you be a chicken shit and walk away? There are NO other options I can see that."

"Alice you know what I want to do but-"

" But what are you going to do?" I knew she was right and now I knew I couldn't stay away, and that all along I had kind of wanted her to see me. I didn't want her to forget me, so I knew what I would do. As soon as I had decided Alice grinned.

"Do you know what she'll say Alice?" I wanted to know ahead of time so I could… prepare but Alice was guarding her thoughts doing intense mathematical equations so I couldn't decipher what she had seen. So with a sigh I went up to see my love.


	4. Not a Dream

**AN: Thank you to everyone who read and even more to those who reviewed.**

**Please let me know your thoughts good and bad. **

BPOV

I had been dreaming that I was driving down I-90, not for any reason just to drive. Suddenly my dream changed, I was in the middle of Edward and my meadow and he was circling the edge. I could smell his sweet perfume from where I was sitting and it was better than I had ever remembered, suddenly her was next to me hi cold, perfect, pale hand stroking my face and he was whispering something… I jerked awake.

There he was lying next to me where he had so many times before. He smiled as my eyes fluttered open. I gasped at he beauty of his crooked grin that I loved so well. "Oh my Bella, I've missed you."

"N-No, you're not here, you left."

"I did Bella, love and for that I am eternally sorry. But I have come back. And If you'll have me I'm here to stay for good, because I love you and I cant live without you and I was a fool to ever think I could and I am so so sorry. Can you forgive me?"

"Forgive you? But… you didn't want me anymore. And that, it made sense I wasn't good enough and you left and now, now I am hallucinating or dreaming maybe. You're not here"

"Oh Bella, my love you're awake and I'm here and I love, you're not good enough yes, you're too good I don't deserve after what I put you through but if you'll have me I'm here."

"You said though that you didn't-"

"Bella if I had told you the truth, that I wanted to protect you, you wouldn't have let me go, it was the purest form of blasphemy what I sad to you that day! I meant what I said when I told you I would always and will always love you. Can you forgive me Bella for the lie?" I was so confused was this real? If it weren't would I be questioning things? No I wouldn't so that must mean… It's real! But he came back, but he left…to protect me.

"What will keep you from going again, I mean you thought this through before right? So it is a possibility you'll leave me again."

"I am glad to hear you believe that I'm really here, but Bella. I can't leave you again, look at me here again, unable to keep away, like a real heroin addict after all. So believe this, I am here until you send me away."

I smiled at his reference to the way he had explained to me the way my scent called to him. "Oh Edward! N ever!" I pulled him to me and kissed him with no restraint and he didn't try to stop me I knotted my fingers through his hair and his hands hungrily searched my face as if memorizing it. The intensity began to increase and he pulled away, his face lit up again with my favorite crooked grin.

EPOV

"Bella darling I only just got back, please don't kill yourself now by forgetting to breathe." I smiled at my love and she returned the gesture with a sheepish grin and her familiar blush. Oh how had I lived so long without that human virtue? No one on this earth could blush like my Bella! MY Bella it felt so good just to think it.

"So…" She began looking as if she wasn't sure if she ought to continue.

"Yes love?"

"Does this mean that- that all of you are coming back?" She looked up nervous and hopeful.

"Hmm, I don't think I could keep them away any more than they could me, we all love you Bella." And with that I resumed kissing her with less caution that before I left but more than moments before, and I could tell, more than Bella would have liked. "Now Bella, sleep my only love."

And then I spent the rest of my evening in my very favorite way, watching my Bella sleep; her steady heart beat in my ears, and her scent, almost like freesia, filling the room. And then as if to take the moment even further from reality she muttered the words "I love you Edward, always."


	5. We'll See

**AN: So this is the last chapter of my first FIC hooray!**

**Please give me your opinions on the finished product**.

BPOV

I woke up that morning squeezed my eyes shut and took a deep breath; preparing myself for the fall I would take from the ecstasy my dream had brought me. It had to have been a dream right? I was answered with a pleasant chuckle from beside me. "Edward! You're here." I gasped at the sight of the beautiful creature next to me.

"There is no other place I could stand to be love." He murmured into my ear, his stunning scent fanning my face making my thoughts stutter.

"Amazing" I breathed.

"What's that?"

"After all this time you still manage to dazzle me" I sighed smiling slightly as I looked into his beautiful face. He grinned my favorite lopsided smile and leaned down to kiss me.

Charlie wasn't happy with Edward's return but after several arguments, involving me reminding Charlie I was legally an adult and once with me storming out of the kitchen he learned to grin and bear it. And so The Cullens returned and I couldn't be happier. I spent all of my free time with Edward, except for a few shopping trips with Alice were I wasn't allowed to bring Edward along.

A few weeks after Edwards return I decided to voice a concern that had been troubling me since he got back. "Edward," I began and he gave me a wary look. "I've been thinking lately and well I think that we should…discus me and my current…um, state of…being"

"Isabella Marie Swan, you had better not be thinking what I think you are or so help me!"

"What Edward? Go ahead! Are you leaving again?" I instantly regretted my words when a broken expression crossed his face. "Edward I'm so sorry I just, I think we ought to discus it."

"Bella I wont leave you I swear it on your life, which I will not end! I love you too much Bell. Too much, and don't think I don't sometimes wish for it, to have you for all of eternity, but no no no, I vowed that wouldn't happen!"

EPOV

I wasn't going to let her convince me otherwise I wouldn't damn my love. Ever. Alice warned me that she still saw it…happening but I told her to tell me when it changed I was determined it would. I was still waiting and now this.

"Edward you don't get the final say in this." She scowled stubbornly at me.

"Oh don't I? Because I was under the impression that I was the one with the venom coated teeth." I smiled wide revealing my rows of perfect, not to mention perfectly dangerous when it came to my angel, teeth.

To my surprise Bella pulled away from me and began searching the dark floor of her room. I held up a pair of black slip on sandals. "Looking for these?" She simply took the shoes from my grasp and slipped them onto her feet "Where are we going might I ask?"

"I am going to your house, you can stay though if you'd like, make yourself comfortable." I ignored her sarcastic comment.

"Why are you headed there at…three in the morning, can't whatever it is wait?"

"Since you choose to remain so stubborn about my 'mortality' I am going to ask all of the other people this affects. Your family may vote on it."

"No, you are staying human!" I growled stopping her in her tracks but she quickly regained her composure making it to the door, however I beat her there. "How are you getting there? Your truck will wake Charlie."

"I will simply tell him Alice had an Emergency, I can work out the detail on my way there." I rolled my eyes at her answer and pulled her swiftly onto my back causing her wonderful, lovely heart to stutter.

"Fine I'll run you over, but I'll warn you now, their verdict doesn't really matter, I'll lock you up if I have to"

"We'll see" She muttered softly as I began running to the house kissing my neck softly, causing my still heart to soar. "We'll just see."


End file.
